Nettle's Musings

Looking forward to Spring.

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 16:46:36 GMT

Although we haven't had any real snow for several weeks, it has still been cold, apart from one week which was very pleasant, but that week just made me long for spring.

When the sun does come out at this time of year, it is surprisingly warm. Unlike spring in England that still tends to be cool. There is really very little time between switching off the heating to switching on the air conditioning. I like to hold off the air conditioning as long as I can, I like having windows open and fresh air in the house.

My daughter has booked her flights and will be arriving here at the beginning of August

In March, Nan had to have a hip replacement. I sent her some flowers while she was in hospital. Luckily they arrived the day she went home, because it turns out that most of the wards don't allow flowers anymore. Nan had the operation under an epidural anesthetic. I can't imagine being awake for something like that. All the sawing and hammering etc... she is very brave. She will be 90 this year!

My Ex's dad is now in hospital, he has cancer and has only been given a couple of weeks to live. I am glad that my Ex was back in contact with his dad again, they had been estranged for several years. I had encouraged him to get back in contact with his dad long ago, but he was stubborn. Ironically, his dad contacted him about a year ago, to see if it was true that we had split up.

So my Ex rang me at the weekend cos he had a few things he wanted to talk to me about, the kids, and stuff in the house that is still mine etc. He spoke candidly about his fiance. He admitted that our daughter calls her psycho, but I knew that, lol. I told him he needs to put his foot down, and he admitted he is too soft. Her previous relationships were violent.

Then he surprised the life out of me... he told me that he regretted our splitting up! He said he realised it when we were in mediation, but to be honest, if he had said something then I doubt it would have made a difference to me, my feelings for him were long since dead.

It is just so weird to hear him admit this. I had been wondering why he never tried to make a go of our marriage. Not once did he say "I love you, let's work this out". He just gave up without a fight. I had come to the conclusion that he had not loved me for a very long time.

Thankfully, we can be friends and talk comfortably. I did tell him I wasn't happy about some things his fiance has said to our children, he said they asked for her opinion, but my daughter says that isn't true. He said he would call again to discuss it, as it was obvious I needed to talk about it, and his hour (free call) was up.

I have had part of my medical for Immigration. Chest X-ray, blood tests etc. I will get the rest done when the results are back. I am just waiting on some information for the application forms, then I will send it all in. I will be glad to get the application in at last.

It is dance class tonight, the last one I think, although there was supposed to be an extra one to make up for one we missed. Last week we did Viennese Waltz, which is one I have always wanted to do and never had the chance. It is very difficult and fast. We have only been taught the basic steps, not tried it with a partner yet. At one point I had to stop cos I was dizzy, and I watched the others, and it seemed very few of them were doing anything like the correct steps, but I still hope we try again tonight and I get to do it with either my partner or the teacher. She often uses me to demonstrate steps as I am an experienced dancer.

We plan to do an Intermediate Ballroom class at her dance studio later in the summer.

For the first time in my life, I have someone to be my dance partner.

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 15:19:43 GMT

I have been dancing since I was 15. I started when Saturday Night Fever was all the rage. I learned those dances on Thursday evenings at a little dancing school in Stebbing.

I became interested in doing other dances, and I got the opportunity to go on Saturday mornings for Ballroom and Latin American classes. My friend's parents had a VW Van and they drove a whole group of girls over to Stebbing for the lessons, and they had room for me, so I started to go. My mum was not overly encouraging. At one point she wanted me to give up dancing and get a Saturday job instead, but that was one of the first times I ever said no to her.

I love dancing, I feel so graceful moving round the room, and it is one of the things I have found I am actually quite good at. In the early years we used to go to the Hammersmith Palais, London, for Disco dance competitions, cos it was something you could do solo. I lacked confidence and I didn't get very far in the knockout rounds, but it was fun.

Most girls seem to drift away from dance classes as they get jobs or get married, but I carried on. When the Stebbing school closed, I followed my teacher to Harlow on a Friday night and continued lessons with her. I was a Medalist dancer, not a competition dancer. There were rarely any men who came to the classes, so I danced with my teacher. I took all the medals in Ballroom and Latin, so I started Club dance too. In Club Dance I had to dance with my teachers husband, cos Club Dance is somewhat more sexy and it looks odd dancing it with another woman. I was rather shy dancing with him at first, but he was really great, and made me feel comfortable, even when I had to wrap myself around him, lol.

When I left England, I sadly said goodbye to Ruth and Alan, my dance teachers. I had known Ruth for so long... 30 years.

I have been missing dancing a lot. Then last Thursday my boyfriend surprised me by taking me to a Ballroom dance class. It is a beginners class, cos he has never danced before, but I don't mind. It is still dancing, and with me as a partner, he will pick it up quicker than those who are both beginners. We actually started with a dance I have not done before... a social dance called The Blues.

Best of all, my boyfriend really enjoyed dancing. He surprised himself. I don't think he expected to enjoy it so much. He also can keep time to the music with no problems, which is a big plus for me, there is nothing worse than trying to dance with someone with no rhythm. :)

We are really looking forward to the next lesson.

Another positive is I have talked to my boyfriend's step daughter, who lives with us. She has been living here with us and not contributing financially. It was bugging me, cos she previously lived away at University in her own apartment and paying all her own bills, then she comes here and contributes nothing.

We started talking yesterday, she had seen a Scottie puppy and had thought I might want to buy it and I explained I couldn't afford to have a dog. The conversation continued from there and I was very honest and told her just what it cost to live in this house. She offered to pay $100 a month to cover the cable/phone and Internet, so I explained it actually came to more than $100, which surprised her, but we will happily accept the $100.

I have been bugging my boyfriend to get her to contribute something for the longest of times. I don't see why she should live here for nothing. She chose to live here with us, and not with her real mother and she has the biggest bedroom.

I know my boyfriend is old fashioned and he feels he should provide for us all, and he is prepared to work all hours to do so, but why should he? He is not as young as he used to be. She took more than one vacation last summer, and she is always buying stuff for herself, she needs to contribute to the household expenses, and I am glad that she is contributing now.

Back to normal

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:34:00 GMT

To anyone who read the last blog, I apologise for the drama. I don't often get PMS but when I do...boy oh boy do I get it bad!

I was having such a bad week, I hardly ate, I was so stewed up, so initially I lost 7 lbs in weight, but I'm sure a few of those have gone back on again.

I was blowing everything out of proportion and I was convinced that the Ex's new girlfriend was taking my place and I would never see them again. I am still concerned that my Ex is rushing things with this new woman, not that I would tell him, cos it isn't my business to, but I worry for the children, as they are now talking about moving in with her. She lives in a rough area, for one thing, and for another my daughter is not happy to have to share a room with a 14 year old, plus it will increase her travelling expenses dramatically to college, placement and work.

Obviously I would love for them to come and live with me, but I realise that it is a major decision for them to do so.

We went away for the weekend, to St Jacob's County/Waterloo. It was a very pretty area and we both agree we would like to go back in the summer. I was very happy to find that a film, on limited release, that I wanted to see was showing in Waterloo on Saturday, so we were able to see it. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas was a very good film, with a shocking ending without being sentimental. The audience sat in silence as the credits rolled. It is as though we were struck dumb.

Sunday morning we were supposed to see a traditional British Pantomime, but unfortunately it was canceled due to a major cast member being taken to hospital, and there being no understudy. I felt sorry for the children there, most of which had dressed up for the occasion. We had a call today to arrange another date but I had to ask for a refund, cos we can't really afford to travel all that way and book a hotel again. Hopefully next year we can go, and take my children with us.

Tomorrow I am going for coffee with a new friend. We made contact with each other through the Ex Pat website. She has been in Canada for a bit longer than me, but is new to this area. She is picking me up to go to hers for coffee, and I am so looking forward to it, we chatted easily on the phone, so I think we will get along well :)

Nobodies fault but my own

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 17:31:17 GMT

I am PMS-ing and in a foul mood, I am not one to take my mood out on others, so it's better if I just blog it out of me.

I had a decent amount of money when I came over here, a lot of it went towards getting this house. Now I am having to be more careful with it. Make sure I have enough to pay for my residency application etc. Brad has had a second job, which was being paid into my account to I could pay some bills. But he has been off work this last week, so there wont be much going in this Friday, I know it isn't his fault, but the payment will go out of my account regardless and I really can't afford it. Meanwhile, his step daughter contributes NOTHING to the house. Even in the summer when she knew money was short, did she offer anything? No. I have told her several times that I don't have much money left. She has money, she has a part time job, she was living independently in Ottawa last year... why should she live here for nothing??? She gets her Internet, cable, home phone, heat, air con, and food free of charge.

I now hate Christmas, I miss my kids. I want to go over and visit them, but I don't know if I can manage it because even if my visa extension was here, and I'm not supposed to get re-entry into the country with a visa extension, but I might be able to work round that by flying out from USA. But then it's going to cost a huge chunk of money. Money which I would rather spend on bringing them here for a longer visit.

I have told my son that he can come here for an extended visit once he has finished his exams, if he would like to. Last summer he wished he had come for longer. He was planning on coming later in the year and be here Christmas 2009 when his sister is here for the winter. So I said that he can stay up to six months, and include Christmas if he wants... now I find out he has applied for sixth form college, and no one even thought to tell me! I doubt I can afford to pay for another flight for him to come back at Christmas, if he is at college then flight prices will be high for the holidays.

When they were here they were both talking about the possibility of living here, but now I feel them slipping away from me.

Their father is rushing headlong into a new relationship, complete with cosy family group, and he is feeding my sister all sorts of propaganda about what a wonderful job he is doing. But I know he is putting on an act to impress the girlfriend, he has always been the same, tell everyone else how great his kids are and never bother to tell THEM how great they are.

I know, I know, this is all my own fault, I shouldn't have left. But back then I really didn't know where else to go.... I suppose when you are told often enough, that you are useless, unattractive, and unwanted, you start to beleive it.

I wish I was assertive.

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:22:26 GMT

I just deleted everything I had written, I was whining again, and I know no one wants to hear me moan.

Suffice to say, I need to toughen up and stand my ground!

Lonely

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:13:59 GMT

I am missing the children like crazy.

When I left last year I was in a bit of a state, although I didn't realise it at the time. Life with my ex was almost unbearable, I knew he was screwing around and although he knew I knew, he still denied it. As I made my plans he was telling the kids that I couldn't wait to leave, which was untrue. I wanted to get away from him but I was dreading leaving my children. I knew that if I stayed in the area, his family would turn against me, and I was right, but not only that, he seems to be turning my own family and friends against me too.

Our separation and divorce seems to have gone very smoothly. He is incredibly friendly when he calls here, and yet my sister seems to think things have gone nasty, and when I tried to ask her about it, she says that she is obviously being told two different stories and so she won't get involved, so now I wonder just what it is he is saying behind my back?

My mother is from a small Island, off the coast of France, called Jersey. As children we went on holiday there every year. Our friends there are as close as family without actually being related. Two of them are my Godparents. While my children visited me, my Ex went and stayed with them in Jersey. He didn't tell me, but told enough people for it to get back to me. I haven't said anything to him about, but the kids have told me that he said that I would be annoyed cos they are "my" friends and not his. The irony is, he went and put flowers on my mothers grave while he was there, and he didn't even like my mother! Although my sister is pleased he did so, as the flowers she put on would have been long dead. I just feel he is stabbing me in the back. I can't say anything without sounding churlish, I suspect that is what he wants.

So anyway... the summer was fantastic, just spending time with my children. They have got much closer to each other, cos it is them Vs their dad at home, cos he causes so many arguments and makes them feel a burden to him. They both talk of coming to live here which is great. Everyone got along well here. The visit went far too quick though, and saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do.

The house seems so empty with them gone. I am going to start doing craft-work, making Christmas Crackers to keep myself busy. I am getting all my equipment together, all I need now is the paper.

When I have decided on the designs and made some samples, I will put up some pictures of them.

Night Sounds

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:49:04 GMT

I can't believe how noisy the summer nights are here. All sorts of instects chirruping and clicking sounds. Last night there was another tapping sound, I have no idea what they all are... grasshoppers/crickets. cicadas I presume, maybe I don't want to know, lol. It is different than the UK, which was much quieter.

I'm not complaining, it is really quite a nice sound. I like seeing the different animals here too. Skunk, raccoon, ground hogs etc. I was hoping to see a humming bird this summer, I put a feeder out but I think we need more flowering plants in the garden. I need to work on that.

Last night

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 19:59:59 GMT

There was a meteor shower last night, so I sat outside with my kids at 1am watching for shooting stars, lol, we had a great time, my son cracked jokes. We saw four they were much brighter and lower in the sky than I expected.

As we came outside we could smell skunk. We've never seen one before, and we were thrilled when we saw one cross the road and disappear under a van on the other side. My daughter wanted to go over and get a better look, but I wouldn't let her lol.

We have been going to the cinema every Tuesday, as it is cheaper that day. Tonight we will see Step Brothers. My fave film this summer has been Mama Mia.

My daughter's visit

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 07:06:38 GMT

I am so enjoying my daughter's visit here. We did so much shopping in the first week that we have had to be strict with ourselves, or will run out of money before my son gets here :)

She loves her room, and been doing lots of relaxing, sleeping in etc, cos she has been so busy at home with college and work. We have also been going swimming a few times in my friend's pool.

I did get sunburned a few weeks ago, but it has all peeled and recovered now.

The weather has been hot and humid with some thunder storms. My daughter loves the heat, especially as it stays warm in the evening, whereas back in England, the evenings always get chilly.

Karma

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 01:23:26 GMT

She moved out, leaving a note saying she couldn't deal with the stress of the two angry kids and she should have left it as "just a shag". Classy woman eh?

He is angry and upset, the kids are relieved. He thinks I am gloating, but I am not. My only concern is the kids. I do feel a bit sorry for him, but he really went about this wrong, and now his family all know he has been lying for over a year, and he has lost his job up at the bar.